My friend

couple million times I’ve drawn a blank to 

writing the right words to tell you thank you, 

how I’m grateful, you’re inspirational

you’re never hateful, you’re like an angel

when I’m unstable you enable me 

with the capability to succeed

& harness the possibilities but don’t mind me please

this ain’t about your personality

realize my eyes can see the point was missed

I guess I just assumed you’d get the gist 

here comes the twist, man you really have me pissed

you get things done with a flick of your wrist

I don’t get how you check shit off your list 

& I must admit I have some jealousy 

the life you live, you know your destiny 

giving is your specialty but you don’t see

how special you could be if you were freed

from responsibility like you taught me 

I would guarantee youre the special seed

that was planted to free society from the anxiety 

that is quietly the irony in the lives we lead.

Dear Anthony,

There are many things I’d like to write to you, but for now, I’d rather just mention the meaning of my new tattoo, my first tattoo, a tattoo for you. I’ve been trying to think about something that I could have with me to represent you and how you’ve watched out for me since you’ve left. Although this tattoo was somewhat spontaneous, it makes it even more meaningful. I know that you were with me during our entire trip across the east coast, and I know you were there the day I got this. 

I couldn’t think of anything other than the evil eye to represent you and our friendship, and I really liked the implication that you can see and experience life with me, as well as help protect me from any evil. I’ve also wanted the evil eye tattoo for a long time, just couldn’t figure out how I wanted it to look. I spent a whole day looking up images online and had a few to show the girl. I wasn’t 100% impressed with her interpretation of what I had showed her, especially because she had originally drawn the eyeball so the colors wouldn’t even work, but I was really intrigued by the single tear, so I had her switch a few things, and I committed to my first tattoo. Im so grateful that I did, though. I now have a reminder that you’re always with me, that no matter how sad I may be that you’re gone or what I went through to accept it, your memory will inspire me to continue on and live fully.

On June 24th, I went to the spot we had spent hours sitting and talking one night, like the only night you actually got me to go out with you. This was also the night your friend asked you to bring her some of my old cat litter, an entire bucket full. We spoke about life, had a few drinks, and I just remember being comfortable with you. I remember being grateful that you were still in my life. I remember feeling guilty for a number of things in our relationship and promising to myself that I would try to fix them. I felt vulnerable, but accepted and loved by you. It’s rare I find someone I can be so free with, and you’ve always been someone like that in my life. I never appreciated it enough. In order to fully complete my grieving process, I needed to spend time with you in a safe place, so I went here. I went somewhere that was just us, no other memories. I went somewhere I felt safe to experience that moment without any other thoughts or feelings. I watched the sunrise with you. I read some of my book. I watched a dolphin hang out in the cove. I took in everything that moment meant to me, and I tried to take pictures to represent the memory. I’d love to be able to send them to you, but now I know that you were there. You saw it all too, and probably took your own pictures. 

Thank you for everything, Anthony. Thank you for the memories and every moment of life we spent together. I was devastated when you left, and I’m not sure I would have figured out how to handle it on my own. I know you were there helping me with it. I’m excited to live my life and honor your memory in every experience I have. I love you, and I’ll see you on the flip side friend.

June 15th
June 24th