boy, bye

told my man goodbye you are not my guy

no I did not cry, something’s in my eye

didn’t really try, that boy always lied

I always asked why, don’t know why I tried

I take it in stride, glad I’m not the bride

didn’t hurt my pride, opened my eyes wide

nothing else to hide, boy step to the side

I’ve sighed and I’m fried, nothing left untried

my mind has supplied the words I provide

let feelings subside, I’ve found the upside 

in friends I confide, got em nationwide 

here is an aside doing this tonight 

really try to fight memories at night

words I can recite, how’d it feel so right 

so I sit and write, yeah I’ll be alright 

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religion 

religion doesnt exist to imprison 

it insists the decision of division

its self infliction like crucifixion 

you need to know it’s not your job to save me

& I foresee that you are going to be
angering others with judgements of cultures

that you don’t understand 

only firsthand 

will we learn to have concern for all people?

living peaceful and equal no matter beliefs 

if not naive, they receive and achieve and they’re living

forgiving and giving fulfilling love

you know the kind 

that comes from above 

causing upheavals of fearful behavior 

just be in favor of serving your savior 

to reassure, what you get is what you give

the sweat before death is the reason you live 

Dear Anthony,

There are many things I’d like to write to you, but for now, I’d rather just mention the meaning of my new tattoo, my first tattoo, a tattoo for you. I’ve been trying to think about something that I could have with me to represent you and how you’ve watched out for me since you’ve left. Although this tattoo was somewhat spontaneous, it makes it even more meaningful. I know that you were with me during our entire trip across the east coast, and I know you were there the day I got this. 

I couldn’t think of anything other than the evil eye to represent you and our friendship, and I really liked the implication that you can see and experience life with me, as well as help protect me from any evil. I’ve also wanted the evil eye tattoo for a long time, just couldn’t figure out how I wanted it to look. I spent a whole day looking up images online and had a few to show the girl. I wasn’t 100% impressed with her interpretation of what I had showed her, especially because she had originally drawn the eyeball so the colors wouldn’t even work, but I was really intrigued by the single tear, so I had her switch a few things, and I committed to my first tattoo. Im so grateful that I did, though. I now have a reminder that you’re always with me, that no matter how sad I may be that you’re gone or what I went through to accept it, your memory will inspire me to continue on and live fully.

On June 24th, I went to the spot we had spent hours sitting and talking one night, like the only night you actually got me to go out with you. This was also the night your friend asked you to bring her some of my old cat litter, an entire bucket full. We spoke about life, had a few drinks, and I just remember being comfortable with you. I remember being grateful that you were still in my life. I remember feeling guilty for a number of things in our relationship and promising to myself that I would try to fix them. I felt vulnerable, but accepted and loved by you. It’s rare I find someone I can be so free with, and you’ve always been someone like that in my life. I never appreciated it enough. In order to fully complete my grieving process, I needed to spend time with you in a safe place, so I went here. I went somewhere that was just us, no other memories. I went somewhere I felt safe to experience that moment without any other thoughts or feelings. I watched the sunrise with you. I read some of my book. I watched a dolphin hang out in the cove. I took in everything that moment meant to me, and I tried to take pictures to represent the memory. I’d love to be able to send them to you, but now I know that you were there. You saw it all too, and probably took your own pictures. 

Thank you for everything, Anthony. Thank you for the memories and every moment of life we spent together. I was devastated when you left, and I’m not sure I would have figured out how to handle it on my own. I know you were there helping me with it. I’m excited to live my life and honor your memory in every experience I have. I love you, and I’ll see you on the flip side friend.

June 15th
June 24th